{"title":"COREVANA","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(204, 204, 204);\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-ligatures-none whitespace-pre-wrap\"\u003eCOREVANA is the fictional corporate giant of the Guardian Labs universe — a parody of every overbuilt, overfunded, “innovative” construction‑tech company that somehow makes everything harder. Clean logos, corporate slogans, and merch that looks like it came straight from a conference booth or a warehouse manager’s locker.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(204, 204, 204);\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-ligatures-none whitespace-pre-wrap\"\u003eThis collection blends jobsite culture with corporate chaos, turning everyday workwear into sharp, believable satire. If you’ve ever dealt with broken workflows, pointless platforms, or a company that keeps “scaling” without fixing anything, you’ll feel right at home here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan style=\"color: rgb(204, 204, 204);\"\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003cspan class=\"font-ligatures-none whitespace-pre-wrap\"\u003eWear it like you survived the merger.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"corevana-inefficient-and-proud-of-it-giving-you-more-of-less-for-more","title":"COREVANA Delivery Hoodie – Procore Parody Workwear","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCorporate efficiency at its absolute funniest. The CORE‑VANA Delivery Hoodie turns the entire Procore ecosystem into a deadpan logistics empire — hauling “more of less for more” with the confidence of a company that just spent $400 million to deliver an $80,000 file cabinet.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’s construction‑culture satire at its cleanest: a delivery truck, a giant Procore block, and a slogan that hits every superintendent, PM, and field engineer right in the trauma. This hoodie is for the ones who’ve watched software updates arrive slower than materials, approvals take longer than concrete cures, and still show up ready to build.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBold. Stupidly accurate. Instantly iconic. A wearable middle‑finger‑wink to the entire digital‑paperwork industrial complex.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• 100% cotton face\u003cbr\u003e• 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester\u003cbr\u003e• Front pouch pocket\u003cbr\u003e• Self-fabric patch on the back\u003cbr\u003e• Matching flat drawstrings\u003cbr\u003e• 3-panel hood\u003cbr\u003e• Blank product sourced from Pakistan\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDisclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Guardian Labs","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":51852791054632,"sku":"9451215_20272","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51852791087400,"sku":"9451215_20273","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51852791120168,"sku":"9451215_20274","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51852791152936,"sku":"9451215_20275","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51852791185704,"sku":"9451215_20276","price":65.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0989\/7744\/8232\/files\/unisex-premium-pullover-hoodie-vintage-black-front-6a10f76d2ba85.jpg?v=1779496841"},{"product_id":"corevana-corporate-hoodie-double-charge-classic","title":"COREVANA Corporate Hoodie – Double‑Charge Classic","description":"A perfect snapshot of COREVANA’s corporate chaos: overpromised, overpriced, and somehow still approved by management. This hoodie feels like merch from a company that charges twice as much for half the results — and calls it innovation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCrisp print, clean design, and that dead‑serious corporate tone that makes the joke land even harder. If you’ve ever dealt with a platform, vendor, or “solution” that billed you like they were doing you a favor, this one hits home.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWear it like you just got upsold by a system that barely works.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% cotton face\u003cbr\u003e\n• 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Front pouch pocket\u003cbr\u003e\n• Self-fabric patch on the back\u003cbr\u003e\n• Matching flat drawstrings\u003cbr\u003e\n• 3-panel hood\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from Pakistan\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDisclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST WIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Guardian Labs","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":51854691762472,"sku":"7846546_10774","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51854691795240,"sku":"7846546_10775","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51854691828008,"sku":"7846546_10776","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51854691860776,"sku":"7846546_10777","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51854691893544,"sku":"7846546_10778","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0989\/7744\/8232\/files\/unisex-premium-pullover-hoodie-white-front-6a11b1fb026ae.jpg?v=1779544601"},{"product_id":"corevana-pullover-pay-double-edition","title":"COREVANA Pullover – Pay Double Edition","description":"A perfect snapshot of COREVANA’s corporate chaos: overpromised, overpriced, and somehow still approved by management. This hoodie feels like merch from a company that charges twice as much for half the results — and calls it innovation.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nCrisp print, clean design, and that dead‑serious corporate tone that makes the joke land even harder. If you’ve ever dealt with a platform, vendor, or “solution” that billed you like they were doing you a favor, this one hits home.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nWear it like you just got upsold by a system that barely works.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% cotton face\u003cbr\u003e\n• 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Front pouch pocket\u003cbr\u003e\n• Self-fabric patch on the back\u003cbr\u003e\n• Matching flat drawstrings\u003cbr\u003e\n• 3-panel hood\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from Pakistan\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDisclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\" data-unit-system=\"imperial\"\u003e\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST WIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e25\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e26 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\u003c\/table\u003e\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"Guardian Labs","offers":[{"title":"S","offer_id":51854697267496,"sku":"4414130_13905","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51854697300264,"sku":"4414130_13906","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51854697333032,"sku":"4414130_13907","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51854697365800,"sku":"4414130_13908","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51854697398568,"sku":"4414130_13909","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0989\/7744\/8232\/files\/unisex-premium-pullover-hoodie-team-royal-front-6a11b35b1b49a.jpg?v=1779544966"},{"product_id":"corevana-hoodie-bold-strategy-cotton-edition","title":"COREVANA Hoodie – Bold Strategy Cotton Edition","description":"Introducing the Bold Strategy Cotton COREVANA Procor Hoodie, the only piece of apparel engineered with the same groundbreaking philosophy that made COREVANA famous:\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n“Why do less when you can do more… of less… for more.”\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nBuilt from premium heavyweight cotton, this hoodie delivers the perfect blend of comfort, durability, and corporate‑grade inefficiency. It’s soft enough for everyday wear, yet structured enough to survive a full day of waiting in line at COREVANA HQ’s TSA checkpoint.\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\n• 100% cotton face\u003cbr\u003e\n• 65% ring-spun cotton, 35% polyester\u003cbr\u003e\n• Front pouch pocket\u003cbr\u003e\n• Self-fabric patch on the back\u003cbr\u003e\n• Matching flat drawstrings\u003cbr\u003e\n• 3-panel hood\u003cbr\u003e\n• Blank product sourced from Pakistan\u003cbr\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\nDisclaimer: This hoodie runs small. For the perfect fit, we recommend ordering one size larger than your usual size.","brand":"Guardian Labs","offers":[{"title":"Vintage Black \/ S","offer_id":51856034758952,"sku":"5552078_20272","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ M","offer_id":51856034791720,"sku":"5552078_20273","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ L","offer_id":51856034824488,"sku":"5552078_20274","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ XL","offer_id":51856034857256,"sku":"5552078_20275","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Vintage Black \/ 2XL","offer_id":51856034890024,"sku":"5552078_20276","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Team Royal \/ S","offer_id":51856034955560,"sku":"5552078_13905","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Team Royal \/ M","offer_id":51856034988328,"sku":"5552078_13906","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Team Royal \/ L","offer_id":51856035021096,"sku":"5552078_13907","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Team Royal \/ XL","offer_id":51856035053864,"sku":"5552078_13908","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Team Royal \/ 2XL","offer_id":51856035086632,"sku":"5552078_13909","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":51856035152168,"sku":"5552078_10774","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ M","offer_id":51856035184936,"sku":"5552078_10775","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ L","offer_id":51856035217704,"sku":"5552078_10776","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ XL","offer_id":51856035250472,"sku":"5552078_10777","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ 2XL","offer_id":51856035283240,"sku":"5552078_10778","price":60.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0989\/7744\/8232\/files\/unisex-premium-pullover-hoodie-white-front-6a12fd6f68f49.jpg?v=1779629460"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0989\/7744\/8232\/collections\/image_563f0be8.png?v=1779541794","url":"https:\/\/notjustatechcompany.com\/collections\/we-have-range-we-dont-care-we-say-it.oembed","provider":"Guardian Labs","version":"1.0","type":"link"}